10:00am Hot Yin- Yoga Public
I haven’t written about a certain ‘someone’ lately, because I haven’t had very much of it. I try to pay no mind to this ‘whose name shall not be spoken’, though I know it’s around, lurking eerily, like that of a sea creature beneath the unknowing swimmer. I got sucker-punched this past week. The last few days I felt good, not a lot of ‘you know who’ a.k.a the pain, o.k there I said it, was showing itself. I’ve been in this position once or twice before, and each time I’ve allowed myself to get ‘pulled in’ mafia style, believing that it was all going away, that there must have been a mistake…. that I was o.k again, healthy and vibrant; Then Thursday night came around. I began to ‘thump’ slightly, which was no big deal, though as the early evening progressed so did the pain somethin fierce. It built itself up all crescendo-like. It got to the point that my children ‘took their positions’ and the dreaded shift began to take place, them taking care of me. Heating pads were plugged in, magic bag thrown in the microwave on high, the ’emergency frozen lasagna’ taken out/oven pre-heated. The only difference, was that this time, we all knew there were no pain pills sitting on the night stand for me to take. Everyone went to bed, except me.
I was angry and not because I didn’t have any pain meds, I was angry because I did it again, I allowed my mind and more importantly my heart to believe. The evening turned into the night, than late-night, then dawn. I laid in bed all night, and in between crying, I breathed and breathed. I decided to take the same approach I was taught in class, in reference to ‘breathing into the area(s) that need attention’. My yoga practice pain has at times being both the ‘good pain’ and my ‘bad pain’. The idea of ‘breathing into the parts where the pain is, actually helped during this very very long night in bed.
Friday morning I wasn’t able to get up. My daughter asked the important question she asks me each morn, and that is, ‘how are you today Mommy?” She knew this morning, not so good. Our neighbour was called, and with that her ride to school was secured. An hour or so passed and I began a conversation with myself; “See if you can get up and just walk around a bit. If you can, try to get downtown for Hot Yin….just try. Worse case scenario you can just lie down in the heated room and breathe, they won’t mind:) It’s pretty much what you’re doing now anyways with all the heating pads”. I happened to glance on the calendar and realized that today was my daughter’s school play. She was to perform as a mermaid in the school production of “The Littlest Mermaid”…. there was my incentive. Next thing I knew I was in class, guided by my lovely teacher Natasha. This room is quite magical, for my body feels like it’s receiving a big hug when I walk in and lay down in shavasana. I worked thru the class and it was hard, had some tears, but kept on going….gently. My ‘grace period’ from this class, lasted for the rest of the day. I was able to sit and enjoy my beautiful girl …ahh joy. Seeing her see me in the audience was significant for there has been many a day and a performance when I wasn’t there.
So here I am at day’s end, left with quite the ’cause and effect’ scenario experience. It was simple and to the point. How I got downtown I don’t know, but determination was definitely part of the package. I was reminded this last 24 hours, that I have a ways to go before attaining my goal of being pain-free, but like so much in my life I have learned this; The journey is where it’s at, where the knowledge and wisdom is attained, this for me will always be enough. So with this I ‘sip in’ a deep therapeutic inhale breath, and exhale with a clear and very thankful mind and body. I feel at this moment, no longer uncomfortable on my everyday comforting thought, of being pain-free.