This isn’t a blog about what Yoga I have done during the last few days, though I have done 8 days of classes since my last entry…..just saying:) It’s always fascinating to me when unexpected things happen, ‘off-shoots’ if you will, of reactions, based on choices made. I mentioned at the beginning of Yoga~Me~Healthy, that I was doing this challenge, in part for my children; They have very little memory of me healthy, vibrant….happy. Children take ‘things’ for what they are and what they see, period. A memory came to me from a few years ago, of my daughter’s face when she wanted to hug me, and my husband having to explain to her that “Mommy’s body is very sore and that it would hurt if I was ‘squeezed’. I remember so vividly the expression on her face….One of confusion and disappointment; With great determination, I began to sit up, and despite my hips screaming with pain, I pulled my sweet pea towards me, squeezing her somethin’ fierce. The nurturing effects did not distinguish the pain, but trumped it in ways that were impossible to beat.
It’s a memory like this, and countless others unfortunately, that have lived in my sub-conscious all these years, and were part of what initially nudged me forward into Yoga; Keeping my focus on this day, no longer looking back.
Unlike this memory, a contrary one occurred just the other day. “I was thinking Mommy,” my daughter stated, “I can’t remember the last time you were sick?”……….ahhhhhh joy, heaven-sent, this I felt when these words from her sweet little lips travelled to my ever grateful ears. Up until a few months back, I thought only of giving all that I had and could to my children, which truthfully never ever felt like enough. This is what I saw my Mother do, so it must have been right…right?
Actually hang on a sec, didn’t she die young, alcoholic and filled with cancer?
What I work hard on now, is letting go of myths, putting DNA in its appropriate place, and remembering first and foremost, what all Mother’s need to believe; We need to look and care as much for ourselves as we do for others. Painful and awkward to even type these words, but terribly important none the less, for by not doing so, many of us indirectly ( and directly, especially during lesser than grand times ), perpetuate the continuation of making our children believe, that they are not AS important as someone else. Where this martyring, whether conscious or subconscious condition ever started, I’ll never know. It isn’t even about just us being parents. Learning early on, to disregard ourselves for the sake of others, creates a very dangerous and slippery slope. I see it now, in a very non emotional logical way, with every decision I make, each and every day. I do what I need to do to keep myself in the best physical and mental shape possible, THEN I tend to those in my world, in this ORDER.
REvoLutionAry For this WoMoM, lemma tell ya
My daughter came to Hot Yin with me today for Mother’s Day. She didn’t stay for the whole class ( “Jeez Mommy it’s kinda hot”), but she tried and did her best…for HerSELF. Before she slipped out, I turned my gaze over at her, amidst the multiple bodies surrounding us in this dimly lit room, and looked at our interlaced pinkies. I felt my beautiful Mother Mary, grinning from ear to ear at us; Her daughter and granddaughter doing it for themselves.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom