One Ballsey site

Happily~Ever Healthy….And Then Some *44 July 26, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes — Working From Bed Productions @ 10:48 pm
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I’ve been asked lately why I don’t write more about ‘Yoga’, considering the blog title and all. It’s a valid question, though it took me by surprise, not so much by the question, but by the fact that when I thought about it, I realized I HAVE been writing about Yoga, just maybe not in the way some may expect. My initial understanding of Yoga was similar to most; Postures and breathing pretty much, and if lucky, the chance to look legit by wearing nice tummy/hip/bottom flattering yoga wear.  I suppose this can be enough, if that’s all one wants, just another form of physical activity to do, which is fine ( personally one of my least favourite words, fine ) “How long is the class?”, I often hear people ask, when can I start/finish so as to get back to work, kids etc.. wham bam….Obviously we can’t all sit and do Yoga all day, but what I’ve learned reaches far beyond just ‘doing a class’, or in my case achieving a certain number of consecutive days of practice.

We all have our reasons as to why we want to take up Yoga. Mine was to help move me away from the ‘pills’ and into a healthier way of living; Allowing Yoga, based on what I understood at the time, to help me “write my own prescription” so to speak, in order to achieve better health, was and is a good reason why.  Each new experience that we choose to take on, always has a beginning, middle and (depending) an end, or in my particular case ( I hope ), a continuum. I thought when I began Yoga that I was going to go and ‘do’ some form of practice each day, that I would stop having bouts and pain, that I would lose oodles of weight and live…..”happy~ever healthy”. It is true, I have done Yoga every day accept one…bugger:) and have lost some weight (not oodles) and managed to kick my pain meds to the curb, though I still have pain, yet not like I did before ( next blog:) What I didn’t expect was all the new questions that I began to have, after each week, sometimes even after a day. These questions are of a subtle yet poignant nature and express themselves, as I can figure it, with ‘feelings’ or ‘senses’. I had vaguely heard about Yoga transforming people, though my understanding relied on the belief that the people  transformed themselves, not the other way around. Both cases are actually true, in my humble opinion,  but in my experience, there has also been other ‘works’ going on, that my mind is not in ‘control’ of….that’s the real interesting part to this all, this I believe, is where ‘its at”.

So much of my journey has evolved, by its own accord and without my mind’s input, into areas of observant consciousness, which I experience now, so I can appreciate what brought people to state their experiences with Yoga, as one of ‘transformative’. What mattered initially, with my mind & ego’s in control, was in large part for the sole purpose of proving something to myself, and truth be told to others, especially those who most of us feel we need approval from, namely our parents (irrelevant that mine are no longer here in their physical form); This now no longer matters….plain and simple, which would explain why I have had regular visits from them:) I am no longer trying to prove anything to anyone, thank fucking God! I am one of many on this planet that has lived many a day not feeling ‘good enough’, ‘accomplished enough’, ‘smart enough’, ‘secure enough’, ‘skinny/healthy enough’. It has taken nearly 43 years of practice in feeling shitty to now arrive at a place that, for me, has shown glimpses of who I AM, in the truest and most spiritual sense, which at the end of the day for this cat, is the point. 

The practicing aspect of  doing asanas (postures), in preparation for meditation ( which there are many forms, not just the sitting cross-legged kind ), has been like the magic key that opened up the steel door, of which my truest SELF has been awaiting, ever so patiently, on the other side, to emerge from…..I’ve felt this deep down for so long, though I never knew what ‘it’ was, but now I do. So when I write about my experience or as one recently rephrased, ‘my awakening’, I know that what I type in this blog is very much Yoga, for Yoga by definition is to ‘join’, to ‘unite’ or ‘to attach’. This is what I am open to doing each and every day. These little transformative bits, which I have been blessed to experience in my life, during this brief time in which I have practiced, has taught me that life is about much more than proving anything to anyone, it’s about going home.




Top Ten Awesome Yo! July 18, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes — Working From Bed Productions @ 3:44 am

Top Ten Stuff I Can Do Now ( Thanks To Yoga ), That I Couldn’t Before

10~Tree Pose while cooking dinner ( with a wee bit of support~shout out to You Stove!)

9~Ride My Bike downtown WITH my Daughter!

8~Love Making…Well It’s Just Better:)

7~Sleep! Especially After a Late Evening Hot YIn Class!


5~COMPLETELY WRAP a Yoga Public towel around my body!! Hella! ( Big Gals Can Appreciate;)

4~Walk Up and Down Flights of Stairs without hand rail….What! Really? Yup!

3~Wear A Bikini and feel fine🙂

2~Shave my Mutha F#%king Legs with ease

Drum Roll……….

1~Catch My Reflection Here and There and Smile



It’s All Good…34* July 16, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes — Working From Bed Productions @ 4:38 am

Not sure why I feel like I’m currently living in another realm but I do, so that’s that. It feels a bit like my big toe is in one world as well as in another. I had set this goal of doing Yoga for a period of days, 365 to be exact, for it seemed like a gnarley endeavour and one with such a grand number, that I’d expected more would exclaim “that’s not possible!”……lord knows many did; Seems they maybe right….or not. I suppose it depends on one’s definition of success.

I may always be in wonderment as to why my body does what it does, or more fairly, why these ‘conditions’ do what they do. See, I’ve been sick, with mucho pain as of late, and with it a lack of mobility. Pain so tough, so deep, I described it to my far-away husband, as an experience like that  of a prize fighter…..and the ‘effects’ felt, days after the ‘big fight’. I don’t understand why these ’bouts’ ( funny with the boxing reference in-play), keep popping up? I’m eating better, moving my body this way and that, EVERY F*cKing day, so what gives? My smarter wiser-self pipes up and reminds thou self, “when has ANYThing EveR worked out as you would have liked’?  


It is what it is, or in this case as I type post-bout, it was what it was; Crap gotta pee…too much vino and time for bed….gotta be a Mama lord knows in 7+ hours. Ahh..remember the days when all I had to concern myself with was ME?  Come to think of it, when I look back to those days, I believe I was quite an asshole, so better off as I am now I figure…

Later days since the above was written, and with it time to think, ponder and bravely admit something. During that last bout…..I wasn’t able to do Yoga…for one day. Interestingly, I would have thought that I would have been down, über down, with the failure ‘cap’ on, knowing I didn’t  accomplish this goal of doing Yoga for # of consecutive days. Funny thing was that I didn’t even think of it at the time, nor did I afterwards when I began to feel better….huh. My current explanation? I must have grown since the days of creating this goal? When I began, I was, as I can recognize now, driven by my ego, specifically FEAR. I NEEDED to accomplish SOMETHING or else….for I felt very much on the edge, like this life I was living was not one that was able to progress much further, based on, what I now feel was my lack of BEIng. I’ve known for many moons, that I am more than what I have shown or have ‘become’. Now? I feel and sense more fully, that I am good, probably always have been, though adults around me in my youth said different.  I’ve spent SO much time living my present in the past, as well as in the future, that I’ve missed where I was, and that is here, and more specifically, in this..the Now. As goofy as it may read to others, especially those not knowing the whole “enchilada”….I’ve come  A LONG WAY BABY and for this I feel…..satisfied. Yes, I missed a day of Yoga, am I a failure? HELL NO! I’m just me whose got this bitch of a condition that kicks my butt now and then, that’s all. What’s different now compared to the days in my past, during those ‘in between’ times, when I wasn’t in pain? I’m no longer depressed, I’m active with my children, I’m more patient, less angry and more forgiving….especially of myself.

Yoga has gently, peeled away bit by bit my trauma and sadness and revealed to me, who I’ve sensed all along, that being my essence, which ultimately is, MY~ SELF.

Yoga has and will always be part of my daily life, though if unforseen events ‘interrupt’, so be it…it’s all good, for tomorrow’s another day.



Keeping On Keeping On.. *25 July 5, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes — Working From Bed Productions @ 8:30 pm

Continuing I am, though based on my lack of blogging, some may be sensing I’ve dropped out. Like any large endeavour, this one has many facets and as such becomes at times, overwhelming. Doing Yoga is not the overwhelming part, it’s all that’s coming from doing Yoga, that has me in a bit of a tizzy.  I began looking for a ‘way out’ from the prison of chronic illness and depression, what I’ve been handed is not so much a clean bill of health, since I still have pain and at times multi-day bouts, but experiences that I never saw coming. As an example, during this last week I was PMSing, which is not so interesting or rare (sadly), the emotions still ran high at times, the tiredness still prevalent, heck even the added ‘cherry on top’ of RA pain made an appearance. What was newly apparent, was this strong sense that I had a type of ‘wing man’. I felt very strongly, ‘it’ positioned right next to, or ‘ on par’ with the nuttiness that comes from my monthly ‘visitor’ ( a term my Mother always used to say). I never made any attempts to squash my, at times hormonal behaviour, yet this calming presence seemed to be there, spoiling me in a way, watering, these irrational emotions, down. I witnessed this dichotomy and felt its effect…..bizzare, yet extraordinary.

My immediate question then was: Is this my consciousness being awakened, or was it just a quinkey-dink? Seems I still have this fear of falling into a bowl full of cheeze, desiring never to become or sound like any version of flakey. Doing Yoga has unravelled something inside of me. I don’t yet understand how this is taking place, but I feel confident I can foresee a future where I am no longer ravaged, not completely anyways, by fear and insecurity. Is this my ‘ticket’ out of this ‘coulda should woulda land’?

I said many a time to friends and family, during my bed-in sickey years, that I felt a glimmer of myself, ‘deep down’, that was healthy and fit. Last night I looked down and witnessed how strong my legs look and feel, how I can cycle 5+miles and be o.k afterwards, how I can get thru a hard-core core class and still be able to get out of bed the next day.

I jokingly said months ago that I would know when I had ‘made it’ fit-wise, when my belly button no longer was frowning, as well as a clear and distinct view of my lady parts:) Neither of these have been reached quite yet, but I feel comfortable enough to wear a bikini, despite still having Le tummy, for I am learning that HOW I feel is much more important than how I LOOK. For this, about to be 43-year-old lass, beginning to feel comfortable in my skin, slowly but surely is quite extraordinary.

My current schedule consists of daily MySore and depending on how I’m feeling, I’ll add in a nighttime Hot Yin or if I’m feeling courageous, a Hot Flow/Core Class. I’ve attended a few ‘advanced’ classes’ and quickly learned that despite having done Yoga for 125 days, I have a ways to go before sweating along side some of my fellow Yogi’s. Perspective, from having my bottom kicked here and there, is just fine for this zygote of a Yogini.