I’ve been asked lately why I don’t write more about ‘Yoga’, considering the blog title and all. It’s a valid question, though it took me by surprise, not so much by the question, but by the fact that when I thought about it, I realized I HAVE been writing about Yoga, just maybe not in the way some may expect. My initial understanding of Yoga was similar to most; Postures and breathing pretty much, and if lucky, the chance to look legit by wearing nice tummy/hip/bottom flattering yoga wear. I suppose this can be enough, if that’s all one wants, just another form of physical activity to do, which is fine ( personally one of my least favourite words, fine ) “How long is the class?”, I often hear people ask, when can I start/finish so as to get back to work, kids etc.. wham bam….Obviously we can’t all sit and do Yoga all day, but what I’ve learned reaches far beyond just ‘doing a class’, or in my case achieving a certain number of consecutive days of practice.
We all have our reasons as to why we want to take up Yoga. Mine was to help move me away from the ‘pills’ and into a healthier way of living; Allowing Yoga, based on what I understood at the time, to help me “write my own prescription” so to speak, in order to achieve better health, was and is a good reason why. Each new experience that we choose to take on, always has a beginning, middle and (depending) an end, or in my particular case ( I hope ), a continuum. I thought when I began Yoga that I was going to go and ‘do’ some form of practice each day, that I would stop having bouts and pain, that I would lose oodles of weight and live…..”happy~ever healthy”. It is true, I have done Yoga every day accept one…bugger:) and have lost some weight (not oodles) and managed to kick my pain meds to the curb, though I still have pain, yet not like I did before ( next blog:) What I didn’t expect was all the new questions that I began to have, after each week, sometimes even after a day. These questions are of a subtle yet poignant nature and express themselves, as I can figure it, with ‘feelings’ or ‘senses’. I had vaguely heard about Yoga transforming people, though my understanding relied on the belief that the people transformed themselves, not the other way around. Both cases are actually true, in my humble opinion, but in my experience, there has also been other ‘works’ going on, that my mind is not in ‘control’ of….that’s the real interesting part to this all, this I believe, is where ‘its at”.
So much of my journey has evolved, by its own accord and without my mind’s input, into areas of observant consciousness, which I experience now, so I can appreciate what brought people to state their experiences with Yoga, as one of ‘transformative’. What mattered initially, with my mind & ego’s in control, was in large part for the sole purpose of proving something to myself, and truth be told to others, especially those who most of us feel we need approval from, namely our parents (irrelevant that mine are no longer here in their physical form); This now no longer matters….plain and simple, which would explain why I have had regular visits from them:) I am no longer trying to prove anything to anyone, thank fucking God! I am one of many on this planet that has lived many a day not feeling ‘good enough’, ‘accomplished enough’, ‘smart enough’, ‘secure enough’, ‘skinny/healthy enough’. It has taken nearly 43 years of practice in feeling shitty to now arrive at a place that, for me, has shown glimpses of who I AM, in the truest and most spiritual sense, which at the end of the day for this cat, is the point.
The practicing aspect of doing asanas (postures), in preparation for meditation ( which there are many forms, not just the sitting cross-legged kind ), has been like the magic key that opened up the steel door, of which my truest SELF has been awaiting, ever so patiently, on the other side, to emerge from…..I’ve felt this deep down for so long, though I never knew what ‘it’ was, but now I do. So when I write about my experience or as one recently rephrased, ‘my awakening’, I know that what I type in this blog is very much Yoga, for Yoga by definition is to ‘join’, to ‘unite’ or ‘to attach’. This is what I am open to doing each and every day. These little transformative bits, which I have been blessed to experience in my life, during this brief time in which I have practiced, has taught me that life is about much more than proving anything to anyone, it’s about going home.