One Ballsey site

Can I Get A Witness? September 20, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes — Working From Bed Productions @ 8:55 pm

“Definition of self-care:  Self-care is defined as a naturalistic decision making process involving the choice of behaviors that maintain physiologic stability (maintenance) and the response to symptoms when they occur (management). Those practicing self-care maintenance live a healthy lifestyle, adhere to the treatment regimen, and monitor symptoms. Symptom monitoring is essential if one is to make decisions in response to symptoms (management). Self-care management is an active, deliberate process that begins with recognizing a change in signs or symptoms, evaluating the change, deciding to take action, implementing a treatment strategy, and evaluating the treatment implemented.”

Just add a dash of spiritual funk and in a nutshell this is ‘My New Deal”

All is Now well. Actually it probably was all along, it just took some time to see it as such. Transforming oneself is a precarious experience isn’t it? My practice, skipped a few beats over the summer, at times due to logistics, also because of a not so welcoming return of self-doubt.  My summer became a busy one, something I didn’t expect. Due to minimal funds, my daughter and I agreed to try to find as many free and fun outings as possible. Our summer friends came back into our lives, as they tend to do each year, and with that a full 360 of our plans.  We went out-of-town twice, and as fun and grateful as I was to be given the opportunity (and costs covered), I also felt like I had walked away from the pattern I had created with Yoga, breathing and food, all of which landed me for the first time in my life at a place where I felt confident and most importantly comfortable with myself.  My routine was thrown and with that our practice. Not sure if I had mentioned that my brave and precious eleven year old daughter began coming to Yoga with me near the end of June? Well she has and continues to, which guarantees this Mother a wad of lovely memories, knowing full well that her desire to practice Yoga each morn @ 7am, before school starts, may well start to wane as changes begin to occur with her, though I sure hope not. My somewhat ‘evil’ strategy was introducing her to this particular kind of Yoga, while she still thinks ‘I’m all that’ and at an age where she’s yet to question every suggestion I make~can you tell I’ve gone thru this teenage rearing before?

Yoga, the practice of asanas in particular, has given me strength and confidence which stems from the connection revealed to me from my~self; THIS is the hope for my daughter during these early morning practices, that she begins to have a sense of herself too, a type of gentle ‘armour’ in which to protect that which is genuine and true, and one who many of us loose sight of as years pass.  I have left this discussion with her for now, as middle school has just begun, and with it all the newness I know she is currently experiencing.  I remember vividly, the oddity and fear I felt during my teenage years. My Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and what seemed like in an instant, my world and understanding of myself slowly and surely began fading away. It was replaced with reams of self-doubt and a strong sense to run.  What I would have given to experience a place and environment where I could have being myself and felt accepted. Each Yogi who walks by my girl each morn, whether in the studio or in the hallway/locker area,  smiles at her with deep respect, for they know the type of dedication it takes to do this particular kind of Yoga each and every day. They see me and her entering and leaving at different times from our practice, for how we both see and understand it, is just this, these are ‘our’ practices, individually. She does hers, which differs from mine (more on this next time ). We arrive to Yoga Public together, but once in the studio, we are separate. Having said the latter, we are very much bonded as we approach the car each chilly morning, appreciating that our practice is that much easier without any food in our tummies. We both glance at our ‘power shakes’ knowing how satisfying we will soon feel after we return to the car to chat, about our practice, what we achieved or are still struggling with, all the while gulping down our yummy drinks….. pure bliss for me.

Prior to the start of back to school, I had lost my way, which produced a strong, trigger re-action, catapulting me back, not unlike Scrooge did, to the life I used to follow. I began feeling paralyzed and uncomfortable with the remembrance of all the angst, pain and sadness I had felt for so long. Having now returned to regular (daily) Yoga, I can see that I never really ‘returned’ to all that mucky muck, but was very much ‘dipped’ back in it for a while. The physical and spiritual ‘shudder’ I felt was reaffirmed by the fact that I have moved onwards and upwards, away for good from those lost years. What I began six months ago continues, though with different intentions and goals. I began with a magic number of 365 days, now? I enter this time  set aside for myself as a way to continue this quest of peace and belief, that I can reach my potential and create projects that will satisfy not only myself, but hopefully many others ( more on that later too!)

For now I sense this self of mine patiently waiting and witnessing the necessity of this process. This lightness is with me all the time throughout my days, and though I feel a little ‘crazy’ at times, living with this duality of what is becoming now my new life, one in which I no longer follow, but now lead, leaves me with the sensation that soon my time will come. 

Next week’s goals will include morning pranayama ( breathing ) on a regular basis, chanting (über über cool) as well as regular blogging about this next phase I am entering into with Yoga and my life.