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Where ‘Its’ At November 4, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes,Nutrition,Parenting — Working From Bed Productions @ 12:25 am
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This day began in a magical way, not shocking that my Yoga practice this early morn was the culprit. Quite aways back,  I was experimenting with a variety of classes at Yoga Public, where I do my daily practice. TRX is not Yoga, but a type of workout done by doing exercises using one’s own body weight.  By holding onto ‘handles’ attached to straps, which continue upwards to the ceiling, where they are…attached, provides a major cardio workout.  I had pretty much a horrid experience doing this, in part at the time because unlike the other studios, this one has mirrors…..and a countdown clock, both of which provide, in my opinion much distraction. The level of strength and stamina involved in actually ‘enjoying’ this class was something I fully had no business in thinking I had, at least this particular kind of strength and stamina ( yup there’d be a difference).  

Whenever it comes up these days I promote Yoga. No, I’m not that obnoxious person that goes on and on, shoving’ it down people’s throats….unless they ask. So my good friend’s 13 yr. old daughter, who plays hockey, asked if I could take her to some Yoga classes, “Ah Yaa….., of course!” We went to Hot Yin last Sunday which she enjoyed, as did I in spite of the class being packed, and my long limbs actually bonking someone on the chin! Yes, this actually happened, thankfully Yoga people are the forgiving types:) This past week my teen friend texted to say she had one evening off and if we could go to a class.  Well guess which was the only one available? Yup, TRX.

O.k, alright I thought, I can do this, no problemo. It’s been months since my ‘last dance’ with TRX, Lord knows I’m stronger, wiser, heck I think I could even lead the damn class! No, not really, but you see where I was going here. I felt enthused, ready to see ‘how far I’ve come’.  Having already done my practice this morning, plus cleaning  a client’s house  ( for child’s private school $) and then a school ( more private school $), off I went with my daughter and teen friend in tow to TRX. In order to get to class on time, I needed to speed clean the school, which ended with  me in a full-out sweat, plus making the quickest pasta dinner in history, all the while eating it in the car ( done 1.25 hrs. prior to our workout:)  Do as I say not as I do, I instructed the young lassies in the back seat.   We were a tad late,  so when we walked into the studio everyone looked at us like they’d be waiting, oops~sorry.  Arlen our instructor who’s beyond lovely btw, pointed me towards ‘my spot’….AT THE VERY FRONT…WHERE THE MIRRORS AND COUNTDOWN CLOCK ARE!  I took one quick look at him, then myself in the mirror and thought…”oh shit”. Right then, right there,  I sensed TRX was a bad idea; too late, the music started and the class began. 

I’ll save you the full version and skip to the highlights, bullet style.

  • 5 minutes in, I looked at my teen friend telling her THIS here, what I’m doing  beside you, ya this should be noted as an act of genuine love, for I would do this for very few! 
  • 15 minutes in,  we are instructed to lower down to the ground on one foot then  pull ourselves up and hop upright as high as possible 10x……I throw Arlen a are you fucking crazy look? He laughs!
  • 25 minutes in, first break. I ‘walk’ to my water bottle while catching my daughter’s encouraging smile ( while she watched from the smart side of the sliding glass door ) I mouthed an obscenity, similar to “Holy Cow”. 
  • 36 minutes in, hands throbbing ( did I mention I also have severe eczema on my hands at times? this day, was one of those times). I literally saw the cracks starting to bleed and showed them to Arlen. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I stared at my beyond red face and instructed myself, ‘Rocky style’, to “get back out there”.
  • 45 minutes….done and done…OMG!

I knew at probably the ten minute mark that this was not a good idea, but honestly not for the reasons I thought at the time. When I had left the TRX studio, I did feel a sense of failure and questioned, “Wow, have I actually been fooling myself into thinking I was in better shape?” I’ve since learned the phrase ‘in shape’ means different things to different people. Off I went, back home and not long after straight into bed.  My teen friend LOVED it btw and now wants to bring her entire hockey team for their ‘dry land workout’. “Bless you my child, go for it!”. TRX is a really good workout for certain people for sure, I just now know, some 26 hours later,  it’s OFFICIALLY not for me.

Today I awoke in some kind of pain, good God. Most know the pain in which I speak of, the kind where it hurts to walk up, down, side-ways any which way on stairs; heck even pressing down on the gas pedal hurt. Regardless, off we went at 7am, my daughter and I to do our practice. Walking into the building we were greeted by two of our Yoga teachers. “I made a bad decision last night”, I stated and went on to describe what I did and how I was  hurting something fierce. My Ashtanga teacher, shook his head and stated firmly how this was NOT good, for my body and for what I am trying to accomplish,  eg. healing myself from R. A etc…I acknowledged and dutifully carried on to the change room, knowing I was shortly about to pay the price, another one anyways, for my ‘mis-step’ the night earlier…..or so I thought.  It was ridiculous, it really was as I began.  I kept getting flashes of the Tin Man after having just been ‘oiled up’, though the main difference here….he felt mobile after a bit, I on the other hand  seriously questioned, for real, if I could actually stand upright for very long.  To sweeten the pot, the day earlier I was given new poses, now bringing more time and intensity ( lovely intensity I might add ) to my practice. Just to give you a good visual example here, I am to stand on one leg,  while the other one is up and parallel to the floor, all the while holding on to my big toe (  the parallel leg) and breathing for 5 Yoga breaths, which for those who don’t know the difference, is pretty much 2 seconds longer to the average 1. This among others, left me very unfocused. Unfocused=bad practice. I walked out to blow my nose and spoke to the teacher’s assistant Lori, who is a great. She said, “you know what, don’t worry just breathe and do your best, if you need to leave that’s o.k. Also, don’t go fully into the poses, just ease in”. 

Back I went and literally within a few moments ‘found’ my legs,  ceasing any pain or discomfort from my thoughts. I went through the practice, finished and while laying down to take my shivasana, I thought, “holy shit I actually just ‘surpassed’ this very uncomfortable pain purely by focusing elsewhere”. What I honestly find mind-blowing is the subtly of these ‘shifts’ when they occur. I am, if anyone who reads this blog doesn’t already know,  not exactly a chilled out, zen kind-of-gal. Actually I think that if all the single parenting, sickness and money problems were taken away, I’d probably be a pretty chilled out cat…

Clarity came to me after my practice concerning where I really am, in reference to my present physical state. I feel it actually was good to have done TRX, because it helped me realize that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone at any point, especially to myself about where I’m at; I needn’t be more than what I currently am, period. Again, right here, right now, THIS is all that matters.  Removing this pressure, much of which stems from a long history of trying to please and step up to parental expectations, created much-needed space in the place where current daily ‘housekeeping’ occurs.  Why would I go and do, in this case a physical act, that caused me such uncomfortableness? My Ashtanga practice has given me so much, never leaving me with anything but positivity and new lessons learned. I’ve taken this and applied it to my logical side. I’ve also thought about the other choices I have made in my life, that have provided me only with pain or sadness. Why, do we choose to enter into anything that may not be good for us? Many a time we know better, yet go ahead to show ourselves or someone else what we’re made of; in these cases, I’ll speak for myself here, it shows only a lack of remembering who I actually am.  Sometimes we need a reminder; this experience was just that for me, which I am thankful for.

When I finished this ‘magical’ practice, I gave deep kudos to this remarkable body of mine. Considering what it has endured and continues to endure with this disease, only to come through when I need it to, reminds me it is so much more important to know what it is I can do, versus what I cannot.

THIS is where it’s at.



Severing The Ties That…Bind {72 Days} May 14, 2012

Filed under: Health Hopes,Parenting — Working From Bed Productions @ 4:23 am

This isn’t a blog about what Yoga I have done during the last few days, though I have done 8 days of classes since my last entry…..just saying:) It’s always fascinating to me when unexpected things happen, ‘off-shoots’ if you will, of reactions, based on choices made. I mentioned at the beginning of Yoga~Me~Healthy, that I was doing this challenge, in part for my children; They have very little memory of me healthy, vibrant….happy. Children take ‘things’ for what they are and what they see, period.  A memory came to me from a few years ago, of my daughter’s face when she wanted to hug me, and my husband having to explain to her that “Mommy’s body is very sore and that it would hurt if I was ‘squeezed’. I remember so vividly the expression on her face….One of confusion and disappointment; With great determination, I began to sit up, and despite my hips screaming with pain, I pulled my sweet pea towards me, squeezing her somethin’ fierce. The nurturing effects did not distinguish the pain, but trumped it in ways that were impossible to beat. 

It’s a memory like this, and countless others unfortunately, that have lived in my sub-conscious all these years, and were part of what initially nudged me forward into Yoga; Keeping my focus on this day, no longer looking back. 

Unlike this memory, a contrary one occurred just the other day. “I was thinking Mommy,” my daughter stated, “I can’t remember the last time you were sick?”……….ahhhhhh joy, heaven-sent, this I felt when these words from her sweet little lips travelled to my ever grateful ears. Up until a few months back, I thought only of giving all that I had and could to my children, which truthfully never ever felt like enough. This is what I saw my Mother do, so it must have been right…right?

Actually hang on a sec, didn’t she die young, alcoholic and filled with cancer?

What I work hard on now, is letting go of myths, putting DNA in its appropriate place, and remembering first and foremost, what all Mother’s need to believe; We need to look and care as much for ourselves as we do for others. Painful and awkward to even type these words, but terribly important none the less, for by not doing so, many of us indirectly ( and directly, especially during lesser than grand times ), perpetuate the continuation of making our children believe, that they are not AS important as someone else. Where this martyring, whether conscious or subconscious condition ever started, I’ll never know. It isn’t even about  just us being parents. Learning early on, to disregard ourselves for the sake of others, creates a very dangerous and slippery slope. I see it now, in a very non emotional logical way, with every decision I make, each and every day. I do what I need to do to keep myself in the best physical and mental shape possible, THEN I tend to those in my world, in this ORDER. 

REvoLutionAry For this WoMoM, lemma tell ya

My daughter came to Hot Yin with me today for Mother’s Day. She didn’t stay for the whole class ( “Jeez Mommy it’s kinda hot”), but she tried and did her best…for HerSELF. Before she slipped out, I turned my gaze over at her, amidst the multiple bodies surrounding us in this dimly lit room, and looked at our interlaced pinkies. I felt my beautiful Mother Mary, grinning from ear to ear at us; Her daughter and granddaughter doing it for themselves.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom